In this evidence-based blog essay, guest contributor Vanessa Tullo presents findings from research she conducted with young men in Brescia, Northern Italy, to explore how cultural and religious norms around masculinity shape male emotional expression and identity. The study examined how traditional ideals of masculinity associated with an Italian patriarchal context, one that she centres on rigid gender roles, male strength, power dominance and stoicism, might limit boys’ emotional awareness and willingness to show vulnerability and develop intimacy with female intimate partners, and might in turn contribute to some degree to male-on-female violence. The essay considers also how such models interface with dominant imagery in Catholic discourse and men’s and women’s lived experiences about the same. Vanessa’s research suggests that while prevailing models of masculinity associated with the patriarchal traditional model often discourage emotional openness, there is a growing appetite among young Italian men for connection, authentic emotional expression and new identity frameworks that integrate vulnerability into male roles.
According to the Italian National Institute of Statistics, in cases of feminicide happening in 2023, 63 women were killed by a partner or ex-partner, the majority of whom were male. In the same year, women’s violent deaths occurred mainly within the intimate relationship and were caused by a partner or ex-partner, such as a spouse, cohabitant, boyfriend, or lover. [1] The same trend is confirmed in the city of Brescia, in Lombardy region, which this current essay relates to. According to 2024 data, more than 2,000 “red code”[2] procedures were activated, around 200 proceedings were initiated for domestic violence and stalking[3] and three femicides were recorded in the province alone.[4]
These findings have prompted public reflections and debates on the underlying causes and dynamics of violent phenomena that disproportionately affect men and women within intimate relationships. In the Italian context, such debates have often focused on men’s affectivity[5] and connection to own emotions. Such positions stress men’s challenges to recognise and regulate feelings, which could contribute to a perceived loss of social power. Proponents of this aetiological camp believe that this perceived threat to social power can then become a contributing factor to gender-based violence.
This essay aims to reflect on how the education of boys and young men, shaped by a model of masculinity rooted in western tradition and cultural influences – to which the Italian context also belongs – is often associated with ideals of power, strength and emotional invulnerability. Such traits could hinder the development of young people’s emotional aspects and experiential domain. Without adequate guidance and the presence of significant masculine adults and role models, boys might find themselves struggling to recognise and connect with their own emotions and vulnerabilities, which could make it difficult for them to build friendships and romantic relationships grounded in equality and mutual respect.
I base my analysis on data collected in the city of Brescia, in the North of Italy, which investigated whether young adult males held mindsets linked to traditional gender roles, how they saw themselves as men, and how they experienced their emotional lives. The data presented here were collected as part of a broader research project that explored how various forms of male gender-based violence, particularly that directed toward women, could be linked to a patriarchal culture within the Italian context. From this perspective, traditional gender stereotypes that associate masculinity with power, dominance, strength and emotional invulnerability might be seen as not only being limiting to the individual development of boys, but also as potentially harmful to the formation of relationships based on respect and equality. Affective education, therefore, could emerge as a key factor in promoting a more conscious, empathetic and relational form of masculinity.
Desire for love versus meeting masculinity standards
The aforementioned debates are evidently underlined by a specific school of thought that sees male and female behaviour not as biologically determined or unique, but as learned attitude that begins in early childhood and continues into adulthood.[6] Consequently, gender relations are believed to influence how children experience relationships and love.
The social learning model, particularly in patriarchal societies, tends to present men as being disconnected from their emotions, without denying their desire for closeness and love. While women are encouraged, through education, gender socialisation and representations to be more expressive with their feelings, men are expected to be “emotionally stoic” and are discouraged from displaying emotions that could make them appear vulnerable. In this social learning model, only a few emotions are assigned to the male domain, and these are usually linked to anger. According to this standard, anger enables men to maintain their image as strong individuals with no weaknesses or vulnerabilities. When this “archetype” is imposed from childhood, this can have a negative impact on men’s emotional lives, resulting in depression and anxiety, and even leading to violent outbursts.[7] Such socialisation can limit emotional authenticity and, on the other hand, negatively affect men’s mental health and interpersonal relationships. The pressure to conform to traditional expectations or models of masculinity can lead boys and men to experience inner conflicts and issues such as alexithymia, a difficulty in identifying and expressing emotions, as well as emotional avoidance.[8]
The figure of the strong and stoic male – so popular in contemporary culture – is also linked to the traditional perception of men as protectors, which in intimate relationships can manifest in different ways, such as feeling responsible for their female partner, or even leading some men to coercive control behaviour. Undermining the element of control can cause an inner crisis for men and boys who have learned to identify their masculinity with such control. For some men, an emancipated woman who makes her own independent decisions can make them feel replaceable. These dynamics can subvert some men’s sense of feeling “invincible”, which could potentially lead to conflict and violence.[9] This view is potent in traditional Italian culture, which sees certain domains and traits as feminine, with women being automatically and naturally seen as wives and mothers and as versed in the sphere of emotions and affection, while men are given the role of the dominant partner.[10]
Exploring male emotivity in the Italian context: a case study from Brescia
Between January and February 2025, I conducted a study as part of my Master’s dissertation at Roma Tre University in Rome, linked to the Master’s programme ‘Affective and Sexual Education: Clinical, Forensic, and Criminological Perspectives for Childhood, Adolescence, and Parenting.’ The focus of the study was on finding connections between gender roles and masculinity to better understand gender stereotypes passed down through educational systems in the Italian context. A questionnaire that explored gender roles and masculinity was shared with circa 50 heterosexual Italian boys and men of Italian origin between the ages of 20 and 50 residing in the city of Brescia in Italy. Approximately 50% of those contacted responded to the survey (21 participants). All the respondents were boys of Italian origin identifying with the Italian cultural background (100%).
In terms of methodology, a non-probability convenience sampling method was used, targeting young adult males of Italian origin residing in Brescia. This approach was chosen to access a specific cultural and demographic group relevant to the study’s focus. The participants were recruited primarily through an online survey distributed via community networks within Brescia. The survey link was shared through contacts to reach eligible respondents efficiently. Participants were required to a) identify as male, b) be of Italian origin and cultural background, c) be aged between 20 and 50 years, and d) identify as heterosexual. The dimension of homosexuality was not considered in this analysis, as the overall focus was on gender-based violence perpetrated by men against women in heterosexual relationships. The questionnaire consisted of 29 questions, including 21 multiple-choice closed-ended questions and eight open-ended questions. The questions were divided into different sections, including personal profile, self-perception as a man, the extent and nature of affective education received, goals and life perspectives as a man, patterns and dynamics in interpersonal relationships with men and women and sexuality.
In the study, the participants were asked to describe how they saw themselves as men within their community and to share their life goals. The responses revealed a strong adherence to traditional values such as reliability, responsibility and the desire to start a family. Aspirations like getting married, having children, and “taking care of one’s partner and offspring” were frequently cited as priorities. Within this sample, such views may reflect a continuing alignment with the traditional model of masculinity, in which men are seen as the primary, if not exclusive, providers of support and stability for both the family unit and society as a whole.
Respondents were also asked to describe the emotions they experienced most frequently as well as how they communicated these emotions, particularly when related to states of suffering or vulnerability. A key obstacle to emotional communication identified by the participants in the sample was a difficulty to understand and pinpoint the source of their discomfort. The majority reported often being unable to name or clearly define “what is wrong,” and this uncertainty made it even more difficult to open up to others for fear of being unclear or not taken seriously.
Some reported relationship dynamics marked by misunderstandings and a lack of reciprocity, which served as sources of emotional suffering. When sharing occurred, it happened after a process of individual reflection. The need not to show vulnerability persisted, often linked to the idea that men must “keep everything inside.” In general, suffering was sometimes experienced in silence, with the belief that strength lay in not showing vulnerability or in not expressing weakness.
For this specific group, such dynamics could suggest the presence of a limited or underdeveloped capacity for recognising and interpreting one’s own emotions, which hindered free and adequate emotional expression. This uncertainty could also reflect a broader lack of emotional education, which limited the tools available for decoding and articulating emotional experiences. Among younger participants, this sense of emotional isolation was further intensified by generational gaps and the perception that adults did not understand or acknowledge the emotional experiences of young men.
Alongside this, the surveyed group also demonstrated a growing emotional awareness and a willingness to acknowledge their own vulnerability. When asked with whom they shared their problems and whether they felt free to do so, respondents reported feeling more comfortable confiding in trusted women, such as family members, intimate partners and friends. At the same time, many expressed a preference for dealing with their problems independently, either out of a sense of personal responsibility or a desire not to burden others. This tendency was frequently framed as a form of respect, with the belief that one’s difficulties should not be imposed on others. However, this lack of sharing was also linked to the absence of male role models considered adequate to deal with discomfort, especially in male-only contexts.
While other people’s opinions had a significant impact, the judgment of women emerged to weigh more heavily on the participants’ choices. Comparison with male peers was often perceived by respondents as competitive or inauthentic. Many reported that they felt more comfortable sharing their feelings with women from their surroundings who are generally considered to be more reliable and accessible.
Regarding sexuality, when asked how they felt about approaching women and dating and about their experiences related to sexual performance, participants shared accounts that revealed that virility remained a source of concern for them. Their responses reflected the enduring influence of the myth that masculinity was intrinsically linked to sexual performance. The latter emerged as a central theme, with many participants expressing ongoing pressure to live up to social expectations. This suggested that sexual competence continued to be a significant area of anxiety and self-evaluation among the men in the sample.
When invited to reflect on what actions or roles were considered important for a man within his family or community, and how the participants would feel if they failed to meet these expectations, participants identified the figure of the “breadwinner” as central, but they increasingly intertwined this with emotional and relational responsibilities. For many, the prospect of failing in traditional roles, such as the role of father, partner, or provider, evoked feelings of shame and inadequacy. Several respondents viewed failure in these areas as almost unforgivable. However, the majority expressed the belief that it is possible to make mistakes without feeling guilty, suggesting an openness to more flexible and compassionate models of masculinity.
The more traditional view was internalised by many young men, even when they recognised the emotional weight it created. Some attitudinal change emerged to be underway, but this seemed to be hampered by social expectations and educational models that were still rigid and strongly influenced by the traditional paradigm of the virile and stoic man.
Delving deeper into the analysis of the local Italian context: can religion contribute to shaping the male identity?
In a social context like Italy’s, which is deeply rooted in tradition, the Catholic Christian faith – as the dominant faith – might also play a role in shaping gender models and, possibly, reinforcing some of the stereotypes discussed earlier. In the second part of the analysis, I discuss findings from a series of key informant interviews with practising Catholic Italian boys and girls in Brescia. For this component of the study, a different sample was interviewed, consisting of five Italian Catholic boys and girls who actively practised their faith. The questions addressed not only their religious views, but also their lived experiences of religion in relation to gender roles and dynamics. Particular attention was given to how male roles were represented and perceived within Catholic doctrine and practice in the Italian context as understood by the participants.
When asked about gender roles and stereotypes in Catholic doctrine and religious practice, the participants’ answers suggested that gender differences and roles were significant. Men formally occupy roles of leadership and authority in Church life, but are generally less engaged in the practical, day-to-day aspects of religious life, for example, in the articulation and inculcation of moral teachings related to relationships and sex. Male ministers were perceived to be less present in relation to the application of principles of good conduct and to the community life of the faith. On the contrary, women were perceived to participate more consistently and wholeheartedly in these domains.
Participants agreed that, according to Catholic doctrine, all human beings are equal before God, the soul is considered genderless, and the value of the person is universal, emphasising an individuality that transcends gender. However, the majority also noted that, in both the teachings and practices of the Catholic faith, this ideal does not always translate into genuine equality between men and women.
When asked about their personal views on gender equality and whether these views were shaped more by religious education or cultural upbringing, all participants expressed a strong commitment to gender equality and a desire to challenge and deconstruct traditional gender roles but found it difficult to identify a clear religious influence on the matter. Still, the participants shared examples of religious teachings and scriptural references that had influenced their upbringing. Some specifically quoted St Paul’s Letter to the Ephesians, which states that men should be willing to give everything for the woman they love, even to the point of laying down their lives. The interviewed boys expressed admiration for this commitment to sacrifice and protection. However, in the same passage, women are called to “submit”, a term still employed in the Italian Church context. The participants generally perceived this terminology to be outdated and inappropriate for today’s context.
When asked about male vulnerability and alternative male roles, both the girls and boys interviewed confirmed that this topic had never been addressed within Church settings or other Catholic environments they attended. On the contrary, they reported witnessing various interpretations that reinforced traditional gender roles: women as mothers, daughters and wives focused on caregiving and supportive roles, and men as protectors and decision-makers within the family and community.
What next? Towards new models of masculinity and emotional expression in contemporary Italy
The findings emerging from this analysis conducted in the city of Brescia in Italy, prompt critical reflections on how best to support boys and adolescent males in developing emotional awareness and fostering a connection with their vulnerability within the Italian context.
A sustainable alternative could be an educational response that supports children and young people in exploring and expressing their full range of emotions, including those that make them feel vulnerable or uncomfortable. In this process, social structures can play a central role in supporting young people in their development, especially during the delicate phase of adolescence. These contexts can offer a solid point of reference when they foster open communication and create a safe and welcoming environment for young people to express their emotions.
The involvement of different community actors is becoming increasingly central, especially in light of evidence emerging in the Italian context and the fact that a significant proportion of male-to-female violence occurs in domestic or relational settings. Faced with this reality, it seems essential to broaden the scope of educational actors. Families should not be the sole custodians of affective and sexual education. Institutions such as schools, public services, associations and civil society must take on an active and shared role, offering young people alternative models, critical tools and safe spaces for listening and dialogue.
It is essential that adults and parents be aware of the social dynamics that influence emotional education, particularly in creating alternative male role models, so that they can actively contribute to the growth and development of children and adolescents. It is also important to propose alternative models of masculinity that include vulnerability and encourage children to feel and process their emotions. The emotional dimension should not be confined to the female world so that better bridges can be built between the genders.
Promoting more equitable and conscious relationships means offering boys and men tangible opportunities to engage in the construction of healthier and more meaningful connections with the other gender. This involves fostering relational models grounded in mutual recognition, empathy and active listening. By supporting boys and men in developing emotional literacy and communication skills, the community can foster relationships that are not only more equitable and respectful, but also more emotionally resilient, authentic and deeply fulfilling.
Notes
[1] ISTAT Statistics. Report. Victims of homicide – Year 2023, pg. 1, 2023
[2] In Italy, according to the law 69/2019 the “Codice Rosso” (Red Code) procedures are fast-track legal measures to promptly respond to cases of domestic violence, stalking, and gender-based abuse.
[3] Giornale di Brescia, Gender-based violence: more than 2,000 red codes in the Brescia area in 2024, accessed 2025
[4] BresciaOggi, Femicide in Italy 2024: the urgent need to stop gender-based violence, accessed 2025
[5] For the purpose of this essay, the definition of affectivity adopted is the one provided by the American Psychological Association’s Dictionary of Psychology, which defines it as “the degree of a person’s response or susceptibility to pleasure, pain, and other emotional stimuli.”
[6] D.L. Bell, J.G. Rosenberger, M.A. Ott, Masculinity in adolescent males’ early romantic and sexual heterosexual relationships, pp. 201-208, 2015
[7] B. Hooks, The will to change. Men, masculinity and love, pp. 4-7, 2004
[8] J. Jansz, Masculine identity and restrictive emotionality, pp. 166–186, 2000
[9] Collettivo Mica Macho, What does it mean to be a man?, pp. 100-116, 2023
[10] Efferivistafemminista, Compagno padrone (the partner-tyrant), website accessed 2025
About the Author
Vanessa Tullo is an Italian lawyer and international protection expert specialising in counter-trafficking, migration and child protection. Her involvement in migration and protection began in 2011 when she started a collaboration with Caritas in Northern Italy, focusing on identifying and providing direct assistance to victims of trafficking, particularly Nigerian and sub-Saharan African girls exploited for prostitution. In 2016, she relocated to Morocco, where she lived for seven years, serving as international staff with the United Nations and later with other international NGOs, concentrating on protection and sustainable development in different Northern African countries. Since 2021, she has worked as an international expert and consultant, focusing on counter-trafficking, child protection, migration and gender, promoting positive masculinity. She currently collaborates with UN agencies such as UNICEF and IOM as well as other international NGOs dedicated to the protection of women and children, both in Italy and globally. Vanessa can be reached at: vanessa.tullo@yahoo.it
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